HT to Tea at Trianon.
Wendy Fandl sees a lot of children growing up without a lot of guidance. They say harsh and hurtful things about each other, and the words come too easily. Encouraged by the snarkiness in pop culture today, they seem more sarcastic than past generations.
She suggests that before they say something to or about someone else, they should ask themselves: “Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?”
These three questions have been around for centuries, attributed to Socrates and Buddhist teachings, and linked to the tenets of Christianity and the Jewish prohibition on “lashon hara,” or evil language. But now, in an age of cultural shrillness and unrestrained rumor-mongering on the Internet, these three questions (or variations of them) are finding new adherents.
“It’s an outgrowth of the golden rule,” says Elizabeth Ketcham, a Unitarian Universalist minister on Whidbey Island, Wash. She is saddened by gossip that spread across the island recently damaging the reputation of a former parishioner. In an upcoming sermon, she plans to talk to her congregation about the concept of kind/true/necessary. “And I’m going to admit that I have not always abided by those words,” she says.
Though it is gaining traction, this antigossip push can sound quaint, especially in a nation that nonchalantly lost millions of hours in productivity last month chattering about Tiger Woods. But kind/true/necessary proponents say that the very pervasiveness of trash talk makes it even more imperative that we deal with the issue.
“Gossip is high stakes in the Internet age,” says Sam Chapman, the CEO of Empower, the public-relations agency that banned gossip. “It’s emotionally lethal. It’s leading to suicides.” He tells other corporate executives: “A fish rots from the head down. If you stop gossip in your own life and bring it to the attention of your community, then people will follow your leadership.”
