Monthly Archives: June 2016

Marriage: Small Steps, Big Rewards Dr Ray Colleen Hammond

Book Club: Improve Your Marriage! (Dr. Ray)

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Improve Your Marriage!

For Book Club this summer, we’re going to improve our marriages! We’re diving in to Dr. Ray’s, Marriage: Small Steps, Big Rewards.

At $13, it’s a small investment in a 5-star book to improve our relationships. (Thanks to Janet for the suggestion!)

If you’re on Facebook, join our Facebook Group and add to our discussion!

If you are NOT on Facebook, I’ve listed our questions below. Feel free to add to the discussion here in the comments.

Here’s the snippet about the book from Amazon:

The secret of a good marriage, for the most part, is that there are no secrets, only commonsense, time-tested ideas practiced by countless others who have done it well.
—from the IntroductionMarriage Small Steps Big Rewards dr ray

Marriage expert Dr. Ray Guarendi has counseled enough couples to know that building a better relationship with your spouse doesn’t mean learning exotic new communication techniques or rearranging your lifestyle. In fact, a few of his ten “small steps” are lessons you learned in grade school, such as:

Say “I’m Sorry”

Listen a Minute

Make a List

Use Your Manners

Plus, with his “resistance rationales,” Dr. Ray helps you overcome any reluctance you might feel to taking these small steps. Filled with straightforward advice, this book reminds you that a happier, more rewarding marriage is just a few small steps away.

Discussion Questions:

Step 1: Say, “I’m Sorry”.

  1. When was the last time you apologized to your spouse? With or without feeling, mumbling, or looking elsewhere?
  2. Most of us see ourselves are “more innocent” than we really are. Even though we may have been (or feel that we were) provoked, is there something we did/said that we feel sorry for? That we can apologize for TODAY? Are they any Bible quotes, Saint quotes, or quotes/advice you can share that has helped you with this?
  3. Remember the Bible verse: “A soft answer turns away wrath.” (Proverbs 15:1). Can you apologize for raising your voice? Tone of voice?
  4. Have you ever thought, “My apology won’t be accepted. It will just be thrown back at me.” Does that help or hurt the situation?
  5. Have you used Resistance Rationale: “Even if I say it, I won’t feel it.” ?
  6. Sometimes, we think: “I may not say, ‘Sorry’, but I act sorry.” Is that good enough? Would words help or hurt the situation?
  7. Does it seem “fair” that, even though we “didn’t start it”, we take the lead in apologizing first?
  8. Are they any Bible quotes, Saint quotes, or quotes/advice you can share that has helped you with this Step?

Step 2: Don’t Say it!!!

  1. Are there times in the past you WISHED you had bit your tongue? Said words you regret? Are there times you have “controlled your passions” and found it to be a BENEFIT?
  2. “I can’t help the way I FEEL.” We know that feelings are neither right nor wrong–they simply ARE. Are there times where your “perception” of an event changed how you reacted to it?


(Questions will be added as we get to that point in the book.)

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